We've all been hurt at some point in our lives and I'm guessing that you are no different. You're reading this because you're probably midlife, either been married or in a long-term relationship and are starting over once more. Whether you are divorced or in the process of divorcing you are no doubt scarred in some way. We are at our most vulnerable when we've been through divorce and our urge is to run away from pain. Ernest Hemingway said, " the best way to find out if you can trust anybody is to trust them.
The only way to trust again is to grab hold of our fear and work through it. It's completely normal to feel fear. The fear of rejection, fear of getting it wrong, fear of being laughed at, fear of the unknown, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of losing something of ourselves. We can allow fear and the idea that we're protecting ourselves from pain to run our lives or we can put our big knickers on and decide that whatever happens we'll cope. We are resilient and even though we were badly hurt, it is just our ego.
Our ego doesn't like the fact that we were humiliated, abandoned, betrayed, made a fool of or rejected. This doesn't make us who we are, it needn't affect our identity. baby steps day by day to become more open and trusting.
Start with trusting in the little things. Think of your pain and fear as a cut on your hand.
The more you pick at it and scratch it the longer it will take to heal. If you can leave it alone and let it heal naturally it will barely scar. Yes, we can avoid being hurt by staying well clear of any relationships, romantic or otherwise. Is that a price worth paying?
I don't believe that we should expect others to earn our trust. We learn to trust again by trusting again. Trust is something that is worked on daily in a relationship.
It's not a case of once we trust someone we can sit back and breathe a sigh of relief, we trust on a daily basis. We communicate, we work through hurt and slights, we all have moods and bad days. We trust someone by saying we understand that deep down they are a good person with good intentions and with integrity.
They forgot to pick up bread on the way home They didn't phone when they said they would? Did you stop long enough to find out what was going on for them that evening or do you jump to conclusions? What are you How do you begin to trust someone again Are you living your current relationship or even imagining a relationship where you're living through your past negative experiences or are you open enough to be vulnerable and trust again.
We appreciate that at times things will be tough. That's life and we will be tested. However, remember at all times that your emotional wellbeing is not down to someone else, it's down to you.