Another contentious one — and so early in the morning! I really appreciate this post, because I want to be the best trans ally I can be. Or are we all just queers who feel attracted to human beings?? Hope that makes sense, thanks
Alternative hookup transsexual surgery woman to man transformation. This is a very interesting question.
Some people manage it, but I never could. And I hate that. Treat people as people, let anyone trans tell you what they feel like telling you. I do know that there are a lot of straight cisgender men out there who enjoy anal sex but do not fancy men. This is why there is a demand for pre-operative trans women as sex workers. I think the first part of your statement actually answers the question.
We just want to be treated as anyone else. Eg in some cases we appear female and have vaginas, in other cases we appear female and have ladysticks. In both cases we are still women. I think some trans people however would not like the idea that they are queer. This represents coercive queering which is not appropriate for all trans people. Feministing here and hereLipstick Terrorist hereand my own thoughts here and here.
It relies upon a stereotypical idea of what trans men are and defines them by the sex they were assigned at birth. As a contrast, I do have a few lesbian friends who occasionally fancy very girly
Alternative hookup transsexual surgery woman to man transformation and, if they were to end up in a relationship with such a guy, would call themselves bisexual — but those men are no more likely to be trans than cis. This is true for some trans men, but not for all by a very long shot.
Reblogged this on Artist hidden in the Shadows.
I think this statement sets of really flashy crazy warning flags. I would not, however, dismiss them without investigating. I see it somewhat like I see men who only date blondes, or only date Asian women. Personally, I have a bit of a clitoris fetish, and my gender dysphoria currently makes penises a distinctly uncomfortable territory not to mention stubble, blech.
I find this question fascinating. There are so many possible responses to it.
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That is exactly what we do to trans men. An extension of coercive queering that I would like to discuss is that trans men gain some benefits from this queering. Coercive queering means that trans men are, as a group, given access to queer spaces and a privileged status in those spaces independent of whether they identify as queer, who they fuck, or their politics. Trans men are assumed to be inherently, and the epitome of, queer. For me, this is part of the queer feminist idea that to embody masculinity is a way to escape the limitations we impose on anyone assigned female at birth.
On a personal note, I am attracted to masculine folks only, which includes butch women and cis and trans men. However, I am more likely to be open to dating a man I know is trans than a man I know is cis. This is because I assume that he will be more feminist and open-minded. I mean, just how awesome would it be if trans men were inherently feminist and respectful and
Alternative hookup transsexual surgery woman to man transformation of women!
Plenty of us are one or more of these things. And this is a problem. It means I lose one of the few spaces I have. CN, biscuit, Tom — you are right in suggesting that I am talking about a certain kind of queer community.
The groundbreaking zine 'Fucking Trans...
The communities in which trans men are seen as desirable by queer women is a primarily female-assigned-at birth, consciously politicised queer community that is quite different from the mainstream lesbian or gay community.
I have seen these communities in Montreal, Berlin, London and Toronto. They tend to be middle-class, mainly
Alternative hookup transsexual surgery woman to man transformation, dominated by female-assigned-at-birth folks, including gender queer folks, dykes and trans men. Cis men are a rarity in them. I believe Tom and biscuit that some cis male dominated and LGBT communities discriminate against trans men.
As a woman I have very little experience of those communities. But I do know that in mainstream British lesbian circles, it is cool to be feminine and being butch or masculine presenting is seen as being old-fashioned. I would imagine that trans men are not welcome in those spaces. The opposite is true in the queer circles I see around me in the above cities.
I totally agree with Tom that it is not a privilege to be seen as other, or not to have your gender recognised and respected.
Reading your comment, Tom, really touched me. I agree with CN that the reasons we, in these particular queer communities, fetishize trans men are based on really problematic assumptions about their bodies and genders. However, as I see it, trans men do gain some social benefits from this fetishization.
At what cost — to other queer expressions and to a respectful recognition of their own identities — is a good question. The dynamics of sexism in these queer communities value masculinity over
Alternative hookup transsexual surgery woman to man transformation. In accepting this space, trans men, as well as cis women, are colluding in a sexist economy which values transmasculinities at the cost of excluding transfemininities.
However, the inclusion in a certain queer community that this phrase hints at does grant some benefits to trans men, even if that inclusion is based on some really dodgy assumptions. On a wider scale?
We need to talk about...
Can I just thank everyone for leaving comments? I identify as a cis-man and as mostly straight. For me, talking this over with a few trans friends has been massively useful. I suppose I feel like there are things which need to be more carefully talked about as a general rule, and this is one of them. When I met my partner he had not started transitioning but he was open about the fact that he intended to do so. I had been out as a lesbian since I was Given these facts we were a little concerned that any relationship was doomed.
However we had undeniable feelings for each other so we decided to give things a go and are still together 10 years later. My identity, his identity and how they are received in combination by the outside world has been an ongoing topic of discussion between us.
I believe that our relationship works because he respects my identity as a lesbian and I respect his identity as a man. This might seem totally contradictory to people not in our relationship but it works for us. Even
Alternative hookup transsexual surgery woman to man transformation who had known me for years before I met him thought that our relationship meant I was no longer a lesbian.
My partner has been on T for about 8 years and recently had top surgery. Has his transition affected our relationship?
Of course it has. Has it affected my feelings for him or
Alternative hookup transsexual surgery woman to man transformation attraction to him?
I can honestly say no. If he decided that he did want a phalloplasty I would find that difficult. If that day ever comes we will work on it like we do any other issue in our relationship.
Before I met my current partner I was in a 4 year relationship with someone who at the time I believed was lesbian but transitioned after we split up.
Yeah sure, I look around and find some women physically attractive. But the thought of having a relationship with one of them or even having casual sex is a bit bizarre really. Except that I would feel like part of my self was being crushed out of existence.
If I became single in the future I would most likely look for a female partner. I would say that I am primarily attracted to women rather than men. I find it very difficult to contemplate a relationship with a cis man. I feel the same way now about being bisexual. But given that, in a monogamous relationship anyway you can only visibly demonstrate your partnering with one gender identity, I feel like being bi makes more sense politically and socially.
Labels are about much more of our identity than just a single facet. The coupling of a lesbian and a transman is clearly very complex, but I think if it works for the people within the relationship, then that should be for them to decide. It also takes a lot of strength to recognise
Alternative hookup transsexual surgery woman to man transformation in a monosexual environment. I often find myself identifying when I hear bisexual people talk about their identities in the way that Maeve has done here.
Of course when I met my current partner I spent some time thinking about what this meant, if I was attracted to someone who identified as male was I really bi and so on. My identity is about ME.
Our relationship is about US. So lesbian is still the identity that feels most right. Nor is it something by which I determine my entire being. Thanks for writing — really was asking from a genuinely interested place, and not trying to get at you, so sorry if it came across that way.
But I would want my partner to use a word that includes our relationship. I seem to only be attracted to musicians, which is worrying….
Gender transition. Surgery: A Guide for FTMs. 1 We use “FTM” as shorthand for a spectrum that includes not just transsexuals, but anyone some FTMs binding is a viable alternative to chest surgery. hookup is successful, you will also. As a trans man, I've always gone with the rule that I would never date or hook up with someone who wouldn't do the same with a cis man. This is why there is a demand for pre-operative trans women as sex workers.
in a trans man who had been on T for 10 years and had top surgery and phalloplasty. A new app aims to make dating in the digital age a little easier for the transgender community ― but its developers may need to reconsider.